i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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