I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How external is "for external use only"?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
