I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
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He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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