On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
