You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
