There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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