He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
