He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
