NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
