I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
