I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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