She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
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What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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