You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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