what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
