Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
