Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
