she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
