Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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