Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
