You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize