Tell her she can't have a vagina
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
