just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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