dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
