he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
