I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
