does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
