i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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