walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
