Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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