you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
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I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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