this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
