I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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