Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
