Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
