8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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