And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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