if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
