This is not my ceiling
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
