Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Cold hands, warm shart.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
