i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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