Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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