I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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