I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
