At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When are your genitals available?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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