so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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