I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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