in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dear god my vagina.
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