I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.