I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?