he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."