margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.