Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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