U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool