i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
