Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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