apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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