There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize