glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize