I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
