I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
