gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
