My sheets look like a crime scene.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
