I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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