On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm at about main and main street
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
