You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
