He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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