somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
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Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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