Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
