I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
