Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
