I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
