Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
