pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
