I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Enjoy the penises
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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