I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
