I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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