i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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