final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
