I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
