It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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