RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Your cock deserves a montage
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I would ride that face into the sunset
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
