Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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