Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
