dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
