Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
