hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
