it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just want nice things and good sex
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
